Infantilism is not just "I don't want to grow up." It is a behavior where a person is physically mature, but psychologically remains a child. He is not able to take responsibility, postpone pleasures, withstand frustration. In the family, such a partner or parent becomes a heavy burden. Infantile people are often charming, spontaneous, but their spontaneity ruins the household and trust. In this article, we will discuss the signs of infantilism, the reasons for its appearance, and how to deal with it - if you are yourself infantile or live with such a person.

Signs of infantile personality

An infantile person is afraid to make decisions: from choosing laundry detergent to changing jobs. He shifts responsibility to others ("you know better", "decide yourself"). He is not able to plan a budget: spends money on toys, entertainment, leaving bills for later. He avoids conflicts, but gets offended childishly - by silence, tantrums, tantrums. He lives for the day, does not build long-term plans (about children, mortgages, old age). He requires constant attention and admiration, like a child. He does not care about his health (misses doctor's appointments, does not treat his teeth). He can be creative, spontaneous, interesting in the short term, but in family life these qualities turn into chaos.

Causes of infantilism

Infantilism does not arise out of nowhere. Most often, its roots are in childhood: overprotection ("mommy will decide everything"), when the child is not given independence, is protected from difficulties. Or vice versa, coldness and violence - then infantilism becomes a protection: "I won't be an adult because adults hurt". The influence of consumer culture: advertising promises eternal youth, "take everything from life". In economic conditions where mortgages are unattainable and pensions are elusive, there is no need to grow up. Some psychologists associate infantilism with attachment trauma: a person fears closeness, but also loneliness, so he gets stuck in a childlike position "give-me-give-me".

Infantilism in relationships: partner-child

If one partner is infantile, the other is forced to play the role of a parent. He pays the bills, plans the vacation, raises children, reminds of dental appointments. The infantile partner may be affectionate, grateful, but he never takes on real responsibility. At the same time, he is jealous of the "parent" to others, gets offended by criticism, may go on a binge or computer games when called to account. Over time, the partner-parent burns out, loses respect, begins to despise. Sexual life suffers because it is difficult to want a child. In the end, either divorce or lifelong painful coexistence.

Infantilism and child education

An infantile parent is a disaster for a child. He can be a fun friend who will play and then disappear. But he does not establish rules, does not follow the routine, cannot say "no". The child grows up either anxious (not feeling supported) or becomes infantile himself, copying the model. Moreover, an infantile parent often shifts the care of himself onto children: "bring me slippers", "pity me". This is a reversal of roles, leading to psychological problems in the child - up to codependence and neuroses.

Infantilism in men and women: differences

Infantilism in men is often manifested in avoiding responsibility: employment without career ambitions, computer games, drinking with friends, avoiding domestic issues. Women's infantilism often masquerades as "fragility" and "helplessness": she does not work, sits on the man's or parents' shoulders, requires constant gifts, does not take care of children. However, in the modern world, gender stereotypes are fading: you can meet a man-princess and a woman-mommy's son. The main difference is the methods of manipulation: men often use anger and withdrawal, women - tears and offense.

How to fight infantilism: what to do yourself

If you recognize yourself in this description, don't despair. Infantilism is not a sentence. The first step is to admit the problem. The second is to start taking on small responsibilities: manage the budget, set an alarm clock in the morning, cook for yourself. The third is to learn to say "no" to your desires for long-term goals. The fourth is to stop shifting decision-making to others. If it's hard for you, seek help from a psychotherapist (cognitive-behavioral therapy or schema therapy). Also, reading books on personal effectiveness and adult psychology is helpful. The process is long, but it will return your self-esteem.

What to do if your partner is infantile

Don't take on the role of a parent - this will worsen the situation. Set boundaries: "I won't pay for your toys", "I won't clean up after you". Don't expect him to change quickly. Discuss specific steps: "Today you pay the utilities, tomorrow you make an appointment with the doctor". Don't do it for him. If the partner is not ready to change, ask yourself: am I ready to live with an eternal child? Perhaps the best solution is to break up. Paradoxically, parting can sometimes sober up an infantile person, making him grow up. But don't count on it.

Infantilism and social networks

Social networks cultivate infantilism: endless consumption of short videos, instant pleasure from likes, no responsibility for one's words (anonymity). It's easy to be a child there: whine, complain, demand. Escapism into the virtual world often replaces real actions. The fight against infantilism includes digital detox, limiting time on social networks, developing analog hobbies (sports, handicrafts). It is also helpful to learn to read long texts and watch long movies - this trains perseverance.

Infantilism is a problem, but it is solvable. The most difficult thing is the first step: to look at yourself from the outside. If you have done this, you are already halfway to adulthood. Adult life is not as scary as it seems. It gives freedom, respect from others, and pride in oneself. Try it - and you won't want to return to childhood.

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