Are mothers allowed to transmit and implement the opinion of a child aged 7-9 as an unconditional decision?

The question of whether the opinion of a child in the early school age (7-9 years) can be the basis for unconditional decisions touches on key aspects of developmental psychology, pedagogy, family law, and ethics. The direct answer is: no, a mother does not have the right to consider a child's opinion as an unconditional decision, but she is obliged to take it into account and respect it when making the final decision, which corresponds to the level of maturity, safety, and the child's interests. This dilemma is between two extremes: authoritarian ignoring of the child's will and infantile delegation of an unmanageable responsibility.

1. Psychological aspects: cognitive and emotional abilities of a child aged 7-9

This age (early school age) is a period of concrete operations by Jean Piaget. The child is already capable of logical thinking, but within limited, concrete frameworks. His ability to predict and evaluate the long-term consequences of his desires is still extremely limited.

• Egoism: Although weakened compared to the preschool age, it still manifests. The child finds it difficult to fully take into account the interests and feelings of others in complex situations (for example, when planning the family budget or choosing a school for a brother/sister).

• Instantaneity and hedonistic motivation: Decisions are often dictated by immediate desires, emotions ('I want to now') or avoidance of discomfort ('I don't want to go to the doctor because it's scary'), rather than analysis of benefits/harm.

• Dependency on authority and seeking boundaries: A child of this age unconsciously expects adult guidance and clear boundaries. The complete transfer of the right to decide disorients and increases anxiety, as his psyche is not ready to bear such a burden. This may lead to so-called 「premature adulthood」 and emotional burnout.

Example: An 8-year-old child may categorically refuse a necessary operation due to fear. Unconditional adherence to his opinion endangers his health. The mother's task is not to cancel the operation, but to recognize the fear, help overcome it, and explain the necessity of the action.

2. Legal and ethical boundaries: the responsibility of an adult

According to the Family Code of the Russian Federation (Article 63, 64), parents are responsible for the upbringing and development of their children, are obliged to take care of their health, physical, mental, spiritual, and moral development. They are the legal representatives of their children and act in defense of their rights and interests.

• The child's right to express an opinion is enshrined in Article 57 of the Family Code of the Russian Federation and the Convention on the Rights of the Child. It must be taken into account when resolving issues affecting his interests (choice of educational institution, circle, place of rest). However, the law speaks specifically about consideration, not about unconditional submission.

• The boundary between considering an opinion and irresponsibility: Delegating the decision-making on vital issues to a child aged 7-9 (for example, about the place of residence after a divorce, the need for serious treatment, the daily routine and diet) is a form of permissive parenting style and may be considered as a failure to fulfill parental obligations.

3. Risks of unconditional adherence to a child's opinion

1. Delegating an unmanageable responsibility: A child whose word becomes law quickly understands that adults are not coping with their role. This gives rise to anxiety, a sense of insecurity, and overresponsibility, which is a direct path to neurosis.

2. Formation of egocentrism and social maladjustment: A child whose impulsive desires are unconditionally fulfilled does not learn to take into account others, negotiate, endure, and make efforts. This hinders his integration into any groups (school, later — work).

3. Missing the development of important skills: Decision-making is a skill that is formed gradually, under the guidance of an adult. If the decision is always ready (his opinion), the child does not learn to analyze alternatives, weigh the pros and cons, take responsibility for the consequences.

4. Risk to safety and development: The child's opinion may conflict with objective needs for safety, education, and health.

4. Constructive model: how to consider an opinion when making a decision

A healthy position for a parent is authoritative, not authoritarian parenting. The decision is made by the adult, but the process of its adoption includes the child.

• Proportionality: The issue must correspond to the age. The child has the right to choose which book to read at night, what t-shirt to wear, or what dessert to prepare on a weekend. He does not have the right to decide whether to get vaccinated or move to another city.

• Explanation and dialogue: The adult is required to explain why a particular decision was made, especially if it contradicts the child's immediate desire. 'I understand that you want to stay home and play, but we need to see a doctor to check your health and not get sick.'

• Providing limited choices: This is a powerful pedagogical technique. Not 'Will you clean your room?', but 'Will you start cleaning with toys or books?'. In this way, the child feels his agency (ability to influence the situation), but within the boundaries set by the adult.

• Recognizing emotions, even if the decision is inevitable: 'I see that you are very angry because I don't let you play on the computer for another hour. The rules are like this. Let's think about what else we can do that is interesting'. This teaches the child to live with frustration, not to avoid it.

Interesting fact from research: Psychologists D. Baumrind and E. Maccoby identified parenting styles. Children of authoritative parents (who combine high demands with warmth, dialogue, and consideration of opinion) demonstrate the highest level of self-regulation, social competence, and academic achievements. Children of permissive parents (who are just inclined to go along with the child) often have problems with self-control and low academic performance.

Conclusion

The right and obligation of a mother (parent) is to make final, balanced decisions that ensure safety, health, and long-term well-being of the child. The opinion of a child aged 7-9 is a important, mandatory to listen to and respect signal about his needs, emotions, and developing personality. However, this is raw material for adult reflection, not a ready-made verdict.

Transmitting and implementing a child's opinion as an unconditional truth means refusing parental responsibility, harming the emotional development of the child, and depriving him of the necessary sense of security. True respect for the child is not in blind submission to his will, but in attentive dialogue, honest explanation of boundaries, and gradual transfer of responsibility as he grows up, when he will be truly ready for it. The balance between respect for autonomy and providing guidance is the art of parenting.

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